First rule of 2021 never talk about 2020 happy new year shirt, hoodie, tank top, sweater and long sleeve t-shirt


Anxiety-induced shopping is definitely a thing, but it’s not the First rule of 2021 never talk about 2020 happy new year shirt and by the same token and rush of receiving a shipping confirmation that I look forward to. I don’t lust after thousand-dollar throws or status ceramics (which is lucky, because even if I did, they’d be out of my price range); what I really crave, I think, is the seductive notion of control. My bedroom is the only place in the world that really belongs to me, and if I can make it reminiscent of a cherished dive bar, or a pine-scented forest, or the miniatures exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, maybe I won’t long for those places quite as desperately. All of these experiences, though, come with an attendant level of anxiety, a slow and persistent hum of doubt that strikes when I least expect it. Is my bar table far away enough from that one? Did everyone else who got a timed ticket for the Met today get tested first? Will I have to quarantine for two weeks if I leave the state? At this point, it feels safest just to stay home and limit my sphere of contact. Alone in my room, I can experience a microcosm of the freedom and joy I used to feel in my favorite places—I’m stuck, but I’m safe.I can’t help wondering whether the impulse I feel to shrink my life down until it fits within the four walls of my bedroom is a mere function of our times—or will it be with me forever? Is my urge to hoard souvenirs from an easier time a temporary coping mechanism, or will I always feel safest when I’m hunkered down alone in my room, surrounded by the talismans of comfort and health? The news of a potential vaccine has me daydreaming about a future that is not defined by the stark contours of fear, but the question lingers—who will I be by then?

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