1 800 Sad Horny And Cute Shirt, hoodie, tank top, sweater and long sleeve t-shirt

It was delicious to see those early “she’s not that nice” tweets because the 1 800 Sad Horny And Cute Shirt in other words I will buy this nice-guy persona is itself a trap we’re all waiting to see snap. But as we tip into more murky allegations, the butter-wouldn’t-melt knife suddenly has a serrated edge. The safety of Ellen has been compromised, breached like the hull of the Titanic. Is the chumminess a veneer hiding an iceberg of wrongdoing below the surface? As her celebrity friends weigh in with personal anecdotes of kindness, I wonder if this figure of commercially viable homosexuality can make it to a lifeboat.  I’ve never had a strong opinion on Ellen, but that’s sort of her brand. She’s marketed to garner no strong opinions. She’s a scoop of vanilla or a mild cheddar. As easy listening as elevator music, as undistracting as the glass in your windows. As the internet goads us into a polarized state, Ellen unifies us in an unconscious apathy. Nobody minds Ellen. She is the opposite of Marmite.

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