Nightmare Fitness NF Shirt, hoodie, tank top, sweater and along sleeve t-shirt

I called “death practice,” Nightmare Fitness NF Shirt an exercise that involved watching the sun disappear behind the ocean while I envisioned myself taking my final breaths. It was late summer in 2020, and it seemed perfectly appropriate to be imagining my own death every day. The world was in the midst of a pandemic. I’d just turned 40. And, though I wasn’t ready to admit it yet, my marriage was bleeding out. That wasn’t the only thing going on. There was also the matter of the novel I’d just finished. What had started as a meditation on gender dynamics in heteronormative marriages had turned into a steamy and sweary lesbian love story. The book had taken me by surprise, which was sort of hard to explain considering I was the one who’d written it. It’s fiction, I kept telling myself, and the handful of friends who read early drafts. A metaphor, I’d explain, when pressed.

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